Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Obama, Pelosi, and Reid Waging Biological Warfare
Just when we thought we had their plan figured out.... "Give all illegals amnesty, welcome their families across our borders, and we will have an unstoppable majority, a one-party system." It seemed simple enough. But behind closed doors, Obama, Pelosi, and Reid were planning a second attack, meeting with their weapons expert, Surgeon General Sanjay Gupta. "You see," said Sanjay, "There is something called a rate/pressure product. For our purposes, it means that if you can increase a susceptible conservative's blood pressure and get his heart racing, you can trigger a heart attack. It only takes getting them really upset. Now, if the blood vessels near the brain are in bad shape, you may get a stroke instead, but either way, it's a win. We're looking at about a 5% mortality rate for first attacks. And if we can make sure that no infrastructure spending on roads goes to conservative areas, we can increase transit time to the hospital and maybe get another percentage or two. Those hardier ones, the ones who've been exercising and eating more like the far left PETA nuts, well, you may only plant the seeds of disease there...slightly higher blood pressure, decreased immunity and therefore increased susceptibility to illness and, in some lucky cases, cancer. Some pundits, like Glenn Beck, are also helping our cause. For some reason, many of his followers actually believe they can take M&Ms instead of their statin drug or beta blocker to manage their illness.But depression is the most likely thing we can trigger. That often occurs in people who feel that everything they love and cherish is being taken from them...that they have no control over the situation. And depression can stifle even the strongest conservative. In conservative women, it will also increase the incidence of infertility. So I think it's a fairly comprehensive strategy." Obama, not quite yet satisfied, stroked his chin. "Under the new health provisions, can we deny treatment for most of these conditions?"